Goosed
by KatLeePT
Summary: She's thousands of miles away from home when she sees him again. 10th in the author's Ace and Kat series.


She's thousands of miles away from home when he enters her life again. She's on the trail of a very unusual animal and trying to not make a scene and simply wipe out the entire village - albeit only due to her Captain's gentle, purring persuasion - when she hears shouts in foreign voices and a male screaming like a little girl. Her red head jerks up, and Kat's hands immediately raise into the air, fingers splayed and at the ready.

"Eeeasy," Captain purrs into her ear, gently kneading her shoulder through her black tank top. Even in the Arabian heat, Kat's still dressed entirely in black although she did leave her trench at the dingy hotel room in which they've been staying. The landlord didn't want to rent to her when he realized she has animals, but nobody's missed him yet. "You don't know what's going on."

"Din't matter," she mutters darkly. "Filthy humans. World'd be a better place if ye jest let me wipe 'em all oot."

"Aye," he acknowledges calmly, his tattered, tabby tail swishing, "but how would you get all the animals home?"

A goat bleats at them. Woman and cat watches the animal pass on a tether of rope wrapped around his owner's hand.

"We've got Chan's plane."

"And customs? How would you get them all pass them?"

"Fry 'em," Kat hisses.

"That works just about every time, I know, Kat, but it's not going to happen this time. Even if you burned down the entire landing strip and every building there, and exploded every person there, there would still be some link to you. Places like that have cameras that are linked to computers in other places." He says all this while still kneading her shoulder and swishing his tail gently back and forth.

Kat makes a face. "Ye an' all this talk o' modern technology. How th' Hell'd ye e'er learn such? Nae from me Grandpa, I knae - "

"No, but I read. I watch movies."

"It's all bullshit - "

The screams and shouts have been continuing to draw closer the entire time they've been talking, but now the people round the far bend of the village. Kat sees a flash of bold colors, far too bold for this little backwater village in the Middle East, and turns toward the man who's still screaming like a girl. "Tha' cannae be tha' bloody idiot - "

Aisling barks beside her and wags her tail. There's a chuckle in Captain's voice as he answers, "I believe it is."

"What th' fuck is he doin' here?!"

It's only then as all three of them - woman, cat, and dog - are calmly watching the American that Kat hears the panicked honking and flapping wings of the bird he holds in his arms. The goose screeches. An egg pops out and hits the ground but doesn't break. The villagers immediately behind the scrawny man pounce on the egg, and Kat sees a flash of gold as the men fight over who gets to keep it. The women dart around their men's struggle and continue after the man and the goose who laid the golden egg.

"Damn him!" Kat hisses, emerald green eyes blazing with her fury behind her shades. "How th' Hell did he find her? We've been huntin' fer o'er a week!"

"That doesn't matter," Captain snaps, taking charge. "What matters is they're about to catch the boy and the bird!"

"Hmph. Not on me watch." Kat raises her hands higher.

Captain's tail slashes through the hot air. Aisling's barking becomes higher pitched and more urgent. The collie's tail stops wagging as the screaming people, the wildly dressed man in the lead, come closer. "VENTURA!" Captain bellows.

Ace Ventura screeches to a halt. "THIS WAY!" Captain yells again just as Ventura hears something pop behind him and the villager's screams turn from anger to sheer terror. There are more popping sounds. Ace runs faster. He darts pass the fiery woman with blazing red hair and her hands raised and busy doing what he doesn't dare look behind him to watch.

Aisling yips as another person explodes and turns her furry head away from the scene. "Kat," Captain growls but then does the feline equivalent of a shrug and lets the woman go. He knows there's no stopping her once she's began.

The herd of people is gone in a matter of seconds. Their clothes and even shoes are gone as well. The only sign left of them is the strangely colored dust spread out across the sand. The wind's already beginning to blow it away.

Kat looks behind her with a grin. She can just see the tail end of the man darting around the corner of the last building in the street behind her. She smirks dangerously.

"Don't," Captain warns, sticking his claws into her shoulder. "He's a good human, that one - "

"Nae such t'ing," Kat mutters. She's smiling as she taps his ass with a pinch of fire. Ace yells at the top of his lungs, jumps, and keeps running. Captain smiles as he watches Kat let the man go. She may never admit it, but he knows she's noticed that Ace also takes care of the defenseless animals who enter his path. He also, evidently, goes out of his way to find those who need his help and give it to them. The two are more alike than Captain knows Kat will ever admit.

Aisling barks. Kat gently ruffles the collie's head. "'Tis okay, lass. They're all gone now."

Aisling looks around at the emptied street. The goat bleats at them again where he stands chewing on some kind of weed. Aisling looks up at Captain and yips at the wise, formerly alley cat.

Captain grins back down at her. "*He's alive*," he mews back at her in the language of the animals. "*She only goosed him.*"

Aisling's tongue slips out of her mouth as she laughs quietly, sky blue eyes dancing. "Aye," Kat acknowledges, walking forward and gathering first the goat's tether, "an' he's got th' goose."

"It doesn't matter that he got her instead of us," Captain tells his woman, once more swishing his tail. "What matters is that she's safe."

Kat inclines her head in a nod, and from the look on her face, Captain knows she's seriously considering the fact that the bird is safe now. She hooks the goat's tether around her fingers, then gently slips the loop over his horned head. He bleats his thanks and licks her fingers. She strokes his nose for a moment before dropping the rope and moving forward. The rope's gone, completely disintegrated, before it ever hits the ground.

She walks over the dust of the humans' remains to reach the gold egg. She picks it up and examines it carefully, turning it over and over in her hand.

"It's okay to use it," Captain advises her softly. "Your grandfather would. It's natural for the goose to pass them, and it will go towards helping others."

Kat nods and secures the egg into the backpack on Aisling's back. She pets the dog and the goat who's joined them, then leads the way back toward home. Captain glances once back in the direction of the other American, his furry brow furrowing with consideration, but Kat's gentle hand scratching his head soon makes him forget the man. He'll make it home, the old tabby knows, and they'll see him again one of these days. Their paths are more linked than Kat will ever want to believe - until she does.

The End


End file.
